Leaving Isn't Always Easy, But It Can Be Smoother
You've been there: it's time to leave your child’s friend's house, and they're not having it. Instead of the cheerful goodbye you envisioned, you're met with a clinging child who's adamant about staying. Here's what's worked for many.
Understand Their Need
Kids crave predictability. Leaving a fun place disrupts that. They might not have the words to express it, but what they need is some control over the transition.
Practical Steps to Try
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Set Expectations Early: About 20 minutes before you plan to leave, give them a heads-up. Say, "We'll be leaving in about 20 minutes. After this game, it's time to go."
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Offer Choices: Right before leaving, offer a small choice. "Do you want to walk out holding my hand, or do you want to skip to the car?"
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Use a Transitional Object: Bring along a favorite toy or blanket. Hand it to them when it's time to go (this worked with my first, the second... not so much).
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Create a Goodbye Ritual: This can be as simple as a funny handshake or a quick song. It gives leaving a predictable structure they can look forward to.
A Real-World Example
Last Thursday, at around 6 PM, my daughter Sarah didn’t want to leave her friend’s place. I said, "We're heading out in 5 minutes. You can give Alex a high-five or a hug goodbye." She opted for the hug, and while the goodbye lasted a bit longer than I'd have liked, the meltdown was averted.
A Small Caveat
These suggestions assume typical development. If leaving places becomes consistently tumultuous, it might be worth chatting with a pediatric specialist to rule out anything beyond the usual. Conditions like anxiety or sensory processing differences sometimes play a role.
Final Thought
Transitions can be tricky. But with a bit of planning and the odd transitional object, leaving doesn’t have to mean tears every time.
References
- Harvard Center on the Developing Child, 2023
- Zero to Three, 2023